you must harden

what is stone

protect it

from heat, from wind

from sun, from spring

one rock, chipped off

one side of a wing

my marble sins

all sculpture

a headless smile

staring down

empty corridors

my brain tags along

behind you

limply

she said

how you harden

what is stone

once you’ve captured

a moment

you must amputate the limbs

both featherless bird and

toothless predator

are gnawing on ash

in lust they

gum and peck at

old statuary

my stone is

polychrome

broken down

to colorless sediment

with the way

my heart works

i am counting

the exits

i am releasing my pain

i am smoke and ashes

and i never

went back

i am looking for you

i am biding my time

i am missing

myself

i am passing

the exits

this is smoke and ashes

and i’ll never

go back

through rising water

through depth of sound

through time i

turned you

turned again

my hands were as wet and broken

as a cracked clockface

shattered on permafrost

the arctic fox

is apex in its solitude

but only

in its solitude

she turns subarctic islands

from grasslands

to tundra

ii.

as much as a young, curious beast

senses trouble

i kept myself wary of the wolf

whose palm was smooth with blisters

from fires she couldn’t hold

too much was the risk

of drawing near

to inspect the wound

to die the honorless

death of a small vulpine

between the jaws

of one so hungry

iii.

alas, i see

the dog is captive

and at her cage

i stare and i

press my flesh

against the bars

she howls at night

in her sleep

and wakes surrounded

by my scent

she tells me

this lock requires

a key of bone

to free her

i have broken myself in two

one rib is split

from its prison

iv.

lupine eyes

hold something primal

i am immune to nothing

v.

unlocked

my aching chest is

mostly woman

but her hard teeth find my

child’s heart

i find my hand, too

inside of her

against a pulse that also

speaks of youth

sings my name

ecstatic, am i

the rush of bleeding out

beneath a

grateful predator

holds me still

some sort of instinct, magic

and the ache

of electricity

she leaves me

she leaves me wet

she leaves me wet all over

vi.

special prey, am i

a dying fox

held now

though never against her matted fur

but against scarred flesh

her back and sides

the soft skin on

her knuckles

her fingers just barely

touching mine

i ached in ways

i could barely understand

i desired in ways

my heart

still remembers

i loved in endless waves

that have broken

on some

mythic shoreline

to which i can never return

has been wrung from me

like a small blossom

birthing itself

from a tree

if i were a normal woman

i’d leave these dreams

with sleep

if i were Rich

i’d write better poetry

you’d be a mountain

upon which we all

would rest

and your body would say

something profound:

“every other woman

is a flower

married to the ground

soiled at the root”

if i were Rich

i’d write these things

if i were a normal woman

i’d never return

my ascent would be swift

i’d lift you up along with

all of this:

the concrete, ashes and sky

crowning myself king

i’ve become

ruler of ghosts

lover of

the invisible “she”

as lord and master

of the air

i’ll hold your name

inside my lungs

until we meet

stretched

on the event horizon

of a black hole

should’ve been crushed

into dense, heavy matter

weighing down

the palm of your hand

we’re a long way from

andromeda

and the milky way

is so small

should’ve been older

i’m still

teething on stars

my winters are still

mostly dark

should’ve been a

hypernova

my world expands

cools

loves you

grieves

and still

i hope

like in “seance”

i turn the paper over

there are listless prayers

scribbled on the backs

of my hands

they are folded

in nervous lines

i am kneeling

and i miss it:

the chance

to put my fingers

to good use

on someone else

like i haven’t done

in a manner less than

chaste

since summer, maybe.

like “seance”

an “e” instead of “i”

instead of “we”

just me

in the tree

you are

two limbs away

the light obscures your face

i look upwards

and the sun

is hot

all their air and wind

all their heat, their fire

from the holes in skin

i gather on my tongue

all this anger

i grow it

in the back of my throat

it’s bent

the structure: folded

denatured, violent

between the spit and bile and sweat

and lies

i am synthesizing a useful

response, repose, inaction

forging the weapon

which i will use

to deliver a killing blow

no longer my hidden

agenda, my growth

of vines, my heart

of smoke

lilith was not banished

from the garden

she knew it was time

to escape

no more prisoners at the gate

no more women at the door

these claws extend downwards

to loot her corpse

beneath my nails

a stigmata of wickedness

marks me:

a sweet, spoiled fruit

cast aside

bruised by moonlight

pay attention to the lines

when you cross them

and where you stand now

in relation to the ocean

the heart says:

i am fire

i fight sea, fight rain

this water will

dissolve into air

but you won’t leave

without leaving a permanent scar

the head says:

you’ve been still too long

these vines are tangled

around your heart

in captivity

there is no light in the world

except this oncoming train

the heart says:

maybe you weren’t meant

for beautiful poetry

and throwing yourself

onto the tracks

is the only bliss left

the head says:

this ocean is as deep as it is wide

you’ve lost, you’ve lost

stand down and put your weapons aside

the heart says:

i’ve never listened to anyone

there is only myself

beating, beating

alive and wanting

waiting

the head says:

you’ve fallen from

the empty, broken night sky

it’s going to hurt when

you hit the ground

the heart says:

nothing

it gropes blindly

in the darkness, in the dirt

for someone to cling to

keeps me chained to the safe

warm places where

i am no longer inclined

to play dead

to find joy in

throwing myself at the feet of

ravenous, lusty wolves

she hovers, protects

sentinel, silent

as i open my chest

crushed poppies and ashes

blow around my ribcage

these are remnants of the storm

and the kiss of a dragon

its flames

still curl

against my iris

my mind is bright and blank

my tomb is hollow, hidden

i take all my darkness

from the eyes of the sun

i would never listen to you

i have known every word

was a lie

i didn’t stop for

a small detail

a leper’s salvation or

an edict that

stayed your hand

my little deaths

were written in blood

our history is a scar

cutting through

the red, red earth

a rotting corpse

once savored, devoured

by a monster

in a lion’s den

i am nothing if not

the grass

dying beneath the snow

and everything we’ve known

is split

to the core

of  the canyons around us

they are visible in darkness

i am hidden in shadows

a stranger to everything

and conjured from nothing

my valley is holding no one

except your ghost, sometimes

since your hands made dirt from dirt

the stain of me is on the floor

i return to particulates

invisible, floating

forever the sun shines

right through us

a promise of its rising

reveals my form

morphing, i am all sorts of

dreams, nightmares

at times i am afraid of myself

these disappearances can be fatal

and no one knows what happens

when we cease to collide

will i discover

that i never existed at all

before i was born from your impact

without that force

i think i will die

the earth was safe

until she met the sky

grieving

she found herself

consumed, covered, denied