Head and Heart

the head says:

pay attention to the lines

when you cross them

and where you stand now

in relation to the ocean

the heart says:

i am fire

i fight sea, fight rain

this water will

dissolve into air

but you won’t leave

without leaving a permanent scar

the head says:

you’ve been still too long

these vines are tangled

around your heart

in captivity

there is no light in the world

except this oncoming train

the heart says:

maybe you weren’t meant

for beautiful poetry

and throwing yourself

onto the tracks

is the only bliss left

the head says:

this ocean is as deep as it is wide

you’ve lost, you’ve lost

stand down and put your weapons aside

the heart says:

i’ve never listened to anyone

there is only myself

beating, beating

alive and wanting

waiting

the head says:

you’ve fallen from

the empty, broken night sky

it’s going to hurt when

you hit the ground

the heart says:

nothing

it gropes blindly

in the darkness, in the dirt

for someone to cling to

 

 

 

 

Dragon/Sentinel

she holds me still

keeps me chained to the safe

warm places where

i am no longer inclined

to play dead

to find joy in

throwing myself at the feet of

ravenous, lusty wolves

she hovers, protects

sentinel, silent

as i open my chest

crushed poppies and ashes

blow around my ribcage

these are remnants of the storm

and the kiss of a dragon

its flames

still curl

against my iris

my mind is bright and blank

my tomb is hollow, hidden

i take all my darkness

from the eyes of the sun

i would never listen to you

i have known every word

was a lie

i didn’t stop for

a small detail

a leper’s salvation or

an edict that

stayed your hand

my little deaths

were written in blood

our history is a scar

cutting through

the red, red earth

a rotting corpse

once savored, devoured

by a monster

in a lion’s den

i am nothing if not

the grass

dying beneath the snow

and everything we’ve known

is split

to the core

Forever

each light follows the outline

of  the canyons around us

they are visible in darkness

i am hidden in shadows

a stranger to everything

and conjured from nothing

my valley is holding no one

except your ghost, sometimes

since your hands made dirt from dirt

the stain of me is on the floor

i return to particulates

invisible, floating

forever the sun shines

right through us

a promise of its rising

reveals my form

morphing, i am all sorts of

dreams, nightmares

at times i am afraid of myself

these disappearances can be fatal

and no one knows what happens

when we cease to collide

will i discover

that i never existed at all

before i was born from your impact

without that force

i think i will die

the earth was safe

until she met the sky

grieving

she found herself

consumed, covered, denied

Gospel

make me

a pillar of salt

turn me to stone

God whose eye

is on the sparrow

fill these hollow bones

with lead

hope fucks desperation

in the sacred halls

of your straying soul

beneath my nails, poison

we are crucified on our cross

with the strange alchemy

of my fury

tainting bloodstream

“anger,” she says

“is completely natural”

i birth this rage

it makes me mother

nursing, it swallows

chasms

holes left

the remnants of my consummation

within which i was consumed

when i can’t hold

i fight

i don’t love

i do want

i want, i want

i need, i need

your ghost plays

with monsters

in the garden

where you’ve buried me

my skin is marked

by our decay

Haven

all victims are thieves

we steal from each other

power is stretched thin

between us

nowhere is safe

it’s always twilight

and we’re all enemies

i am shocked

by the darkness in her kiss

our sacred places

have been violated

we are just as much hunter

as we are hunted

 

there is a small bird’s heart

discarded in the snow

my hands hold the knife

yours shake

drenched in blood

which one of us held the creature down?

which one of us made the first cut?

don’t you also love

breaking bones?

how easily they give in

to destruction

no one is safe from us

 

i’ve become lost

among the Pleiades

fissioning among the heavens

having split myself

in half

i wait here

discarding my predator parts

between your teeth

so far out

this search for shelter

inside your mouth

your words have swallowed me whole

 

how do i tell her

that no one is safe?

all utopias are children

of secret, hidden hells

we are erupting behind our masks

we are nothing if not the sex we have

or have not

we touch skin to assess

the damage we’ve done

we remain quiet in our fury

she told me

Alcyone and Merope

will destroy each other

in the sky

they are falling to pieces

they are putting themselves

back together

with parts, stolen

from women they have loved

we are binary stars

interstellar, luminous

circling endlessly

in the false haven

of nightfall

Extinction

my heart is a fist

beating against my ribcage

my heart is an enemy

formidable, untrustworthy

i will burn a hole in the sky

when your words

hang over my head

this is snowfall, sunrise

an avalanche

out of love

out of time

i am falling stars

i am rock and ash

i am the rain

cooling

around your feet

this is a record

fossilized, stratified

each level labeled

with pieces of us

nothing was meant

to last forever

your extinction

ends in silence

 

my love was

a melted glacier

in a coffee cup

overflowing, infinite

it drips

unattended

to the floor

around your bed

 

there is no rapture

in death

there is no beauty

in falling

i’ve closed all the windows

in the house

the sky is empty

and dark

this is

my own knife

in my own chest

i have given

all of myself

i have wasted

the stars

they were nothing

but reflections of light

that no longer exist

Declawed, Defanged

you’ve had me

declawed, defanged

demoted to child

another, older daughter

who breaks  apart

rib cages

makes them shields

to hide behind

who untwists their

twisted spines

when better work

could not be done

by one who wasn’t

kittenish, young

i am always replaced

by those who are

softer, less complex

and have no need to make

weapons

from the bones of others

 

it might be tragic

were she a challenge

to anyone at all

it might be smarter

to keep her

small and pink

and powerless

one day she might

become a threat

coldest calculation says

youth does not last

and even those

who have been

declawed, defanged

have no trouble

fighting their attackers

with some measure

of success

 

i have been made

lover

of strangers

then forced

to make their bed

comfortable

for the next

each pain

more insurmountable

than the last

children do not grow

into this

you wonder why

i hide

in the halls of your fortress

in the walls of your

hardened heart

here you have

hammered out

a place for me

it is bloodless

and it is cold

but it is safe

when there is nothing

but ice

between my legs

and mercury

in my veins

and on my skin

a delicate, white lace

here we are protected

from each other

here i am protected

from myself