Royal Flush

i gamble with

no illusions

i run right out

into the crosshairs

because

i am at home there

with the threat of bullets

at my back

the threat of feeling

absolutely nothing

in my heart

you know

i have cards

i’ll never show

tricks

i’ll never share

so don’t linger

if the threat of danger

keeps you scared

i have counted days

and kept tabs

i even

saved the reciepts

of each transaction

guarded, held

the price of keeping me

good

the cost is

much lower

if you’re honest

it’s much lower

if you’re younger

but the stakes are higher

so be careful showing me

your full house

be careful

introducing

your dealer

until you are sure

that my hand

won’t clean them out

tell them that

my disease is such

that i always win

even when i’ve lost

my lips

are on your skin

my needy grasp

is in their soul

my eyes

are on the door

and i wouldn’t change

these rules

i just don’t want to

anymore

Movements

this time i

sought out your fear

looked into you to see it

tried to crush it in my hand

but it just

slipped through my fingers

fled back to you

deep inside

deep enough that i could not reach

and scratching at my eardrums

with each word you say

fear

but you could never name it

and i promised myself

no one would see

what she did to my heart

when i let her wash herself in it

now it’s a damp and soiled

pitiful thing

hanging out to dry

and no longer

connected to my chest

there’s just a gaping chasm where

muscle used to be

you pressed your hand to it

but my arteries still drained

words like blood

spilling from the places you touched

released

as if they’d been

dammed up for years